“You don’t know any of these people.”

                       “But they’ve never given me reason not to trust them.
                                       They’re all so talented and kind.
                                              They’re my friends.
                                          I care about these people.”

                                        “But there are liars out there,
                                    And people who like to hurt others.
                            How do you know they won’t try to hurt you?”

                                         “How do you know they will?”

                                           “We can’t take that risk.”

                                       “People take risks all the time.
                                        We have to take risks to live.
                                                    I trust them.”

                                                   “You’re young.
                                          Don’t you read the papers?
                                             There are smart people
                                       Who do stupid and crazy things
                                              To hurt other people.”

                                    “I know what happens in the papers.
                                   I know what people do to each other.”

                                      “Then why can’t you understand?”

                                                 “I do understand.
                                                  But I trust them.
                                                I feel special there.”

                       “There are some who only say what you want to hear.”

                          “But it’s hard to believe they’re not telling the truth.
                                                  They’re so open.
                                                 I’ve been careful.”

                     “Sometimes, being careful won’t be what keeps you safe.
                                         We just want to keep you safe.”

                                                  “I know, I know…”

                            “Only talk to the people you know personally.
                                                That’s all you can do.”

                                                Their tones are gentle,
                                             And their eyes are sincere.
                                                     I do understand,
                                                  But it hurts so much.
                                                 I didn’t know it would.

                                                              ***

                                                     I go to my room
                                            And put my head on my pillow.
                                                  I go to the basement
                                                   And turn on the TV.
                                  I go outside and turn my face to the stars.
                                  But no where seems to make it any easier
                                                  To cry the pain away.

                                      I feel like I’m losing so many friends…

                                                  I sit on the trampoline,
                                              Constantly wiping tears away,
                                     My mind muddled with so many thoughts.

                                          How can they keep caring about me
                                    When I keep causing them so much trouble?
                                         How can they say they’re proud of me
                                      When I keep doing so many stupid things?
                                      Won’t it be so much better when I’m away,
                                           And I’ll only be a burden to myself,
                                                       Instead of them?
                                 Why must there be so many liars in the world
                                    Who make it so I have to lose my friends?

                                     …Did I even make a difference to them?
                                            They made a difference to me…

                                    …Will anyone there think of me as a friend?
                                               I felt they were my friends…

                                                              Silence.

                                             Why can’t I do anything right?

                                                    My heart skips a beat.
                                                          Oh, no.
                                                      It’s coming again.

                                                       I start to tremble,
                                             My breath comes a little short,
                                                   The tears come faster,
                                                 And I stare into the night
                                                        With wide eyes.
                                                       It’s coming again.
                                               Please don’t let it come again.
                                                        I have to fight it.

                                                       Once upon a time,
                                                  It almost overwhelmed me.
                                     The only things that kept me alive and going
                                                       Was the knowledge
                                                      That suicide is wrong,
                                     And the memory of a warmth I used to feel,
                                                 The warmth of life and love;
                                             I searched for that warmth again.
                                             Then a wonderful thing happened—
                                                Not a vision or a burst of light;
                                                 I’m not sure how to explain it
                                                So that it could be understood,
                                                       But it was wonderful—
                                                     And it finally went away;
                                                   I did find the warmth again.
                                                I am living proof that God exists
                                                    Because it was His words,
                                                             And His love,
                                                 That saved me from myself.
                                      I became so much stronger than ever before,
                                                 And I keep getting stronger…
                                                   But it still comes in waves
                                                      Whenever I get weak.

                                                      Please, go away…
                                            I never want to feel this way again…
                                        Why do I keep letting this happen to me?
                                                          I have to fight it…

                                                    Then I realize something.

                                     For all my talk about living life to the fullest
                                           And never letting a moment pass me by,
                                             It’s so hard to take my own advice…
                                                          A fear of rejection
                                                 Stops me from having courage.
                                                           I never told them
                                             That I care about and admire them…
                                                           I never told them
                                              To never let this happen to them—
                             To never let this thing that’s trying to conquer me again
                                                 Ever enter their minds as well.
                                                           I never told them
                                          To never let themselves get depressed.
                                What will happen if they start feeling this way, too?
                                                    I want to be there for them…

                                                                    But…
                                                     Maybe there’s still hope…

                                                    It’s something that happens
                                                         For so many reasons.
                                          It preys upon your greatest weaknesses,
                                                   Your weakest vulnerabilities,
                                           And makes you think you’re worthless.
                                                          It’s the greatest liar
                                                           In all the universe,
                                              And yet often the most convincing.

                                          Please don’t ever let this happen to you.
                                             It’s so hard to exterminate for good
                                                   Once it has you in its grasp.
                                         I have grown so much stronger and wiser
                                                     Since the time it had me,
                                                    But whenever I feel weak,
                                                It tries to overwhelm me again.
                                                             It still knows
                                                 Where I am most vulnerable.
                                                I can’t let it conquer me again.
                                                              I just can’t…
                                                         I have to be strong.

                                                          I’m stronger now,
                                       And I don’t regret the lessons I’ve learned…
                                            I know how to be happy and grateful,
                                                Because I can’t forget how it felt
                                               To believe I had nothing to offer…
                                        But I wish it would stop trying to engulf me
                                                   Every time I stumble a little.
                                            I’ve promised myself that, one day,
                                                   I will get rid of it completely.
                                             Just don’t let it start in the first place.
                                            I won’t ever let it start in anyone else
                                                            If I can help it,
                                                 And if it has already started,
                                                I’ll do everything in my power
                                                           To chase it away.
                                         No one should ever have to feel like this—
                                                   Like there’s no hope for you,
                                                     And nothing to believe in.

                                             This is the most important message
                                               I can think to tell you right now.
                                             If you ever start to think of yourself
                                                 As someone not worth a smile,
                                                        Even in the tiniest bit,
                                                       Please talk to someone
                                                                And listen,
                                               Because they’ll tell you the truth.
                                                            No one has to lie
                                         To tell each other how wonderful they are.
                                                          It’s never, ever a lie.
                                        Please, please believe me when I tell you—
                                                        Even if I don’t know you—
                                                             That your worth
                                                          Is infinitely valuable.
                                                        I’ve never met anyone
                                               Who was an exception to that fact,
                                                       And I know I never will.
                                               Please don’t let this happen to you.
                                                 It will keep trying to come back.            
                                                Don’t ever let a negative thought,
                                                         No matter how small,
                                                      Ever grow into something
                                                       That will try to hurt you
                                                    And make you lie to yourself
                                                              And lose hope.
                                                     There are people who care,
                                                             Who understand,
                                                    Who love to be your friends,
                                               Who can see how your spirit shines.
                                                  And I promise you, most of all,
                                                                God is here.
                                                       Ask Him if He loves you
                                             With all the power of your broken heart.
                                                        You will feel Him there.
                                                               I promise you.
                                                             And don’t forget,
                                                Depression can happen to anyone—
                                                 Don’t consider yourself invincible,
                                                    For pride is a sure way to fall.
                                                           Don’t let it lie to you,
                                                       And don’t ever lose hope.
                                                     &n