literature

I Opened the Window

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Hitotsuboshi's avatar
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Literature Text

The only light in the house
Is the one in my room.
It seems I’m the only one
Who worries about myself.
It seems I’m the only one
Who can’t sleep
For fear of never waking up.

But as the tears are falling
On my limp, resigned hands,
Something in my heart stirs
As I become aware of
And listen to
The rain outside.
I remember how they’ve said,
How they’ve testified,
Of the rain’s power
To make the flowers grow.
I think of how scared I’ve been,
Sitting alone inside,
Having forgotten the feeling
Of being wet to the bone,
Of opening my mouth
And drinking the drops
That came pouring down—
Those simple joys
I’d always loved
And taken for granted
As a small child.

And I listen to the tapping,
The constant, gentle tapping,
Of the rain on my window.

Constant
Gentle
Tapping
Against a window
Only I can open.

One foot out of bed
And I’m trembling.
Two feet out of bed
And I’m dizzy.
But I rise....
Slowly move myself across the carpet....
Like having to teach myself
To talk again....

And with my tears—
My own rain—
Rising and then descending
From my heart
To stream down my cheeks
And plunge to the floor,
I stare into the night
And watch the drops fall.

One hand on the latch
And I breathe.
Two hands on the latch
And I close my eyes.
But only for a moment....
Wordlessly open one door....
And then the other.
And here it comes....

The wind rushes in,
Blows the curtains behind me,
Making me feel as though
I can fly upon its rivers,
Drawing my face
To bravely turn upward....
And the rain falls,
It falls upon me.
It tastes so sweet,
So wonderfully sweet,
And I am drenched.
Right through to the soul.

I am engulfed
In the rain.

At last,
Now I remember,
And now I know
Better than ever before
What I remembered
And knew
As a small child.

Only these words
Fill my mind
In the most tender tone
I’d ever felt....

“It’s about time you asked.
Yes, of course, my child....
I love you....
I love you
So much.
Yes, of course, my child....
You are special,
So special.
Please come to me now....
And ache no more.”
I was up really late last night. It was raining, and for some reason, I feel so at peace when it rains, especially at night. I didn't want to go to sleep.

So I started thinking about some of my personal experiences and ended up writing this poem. It's one of the most personal poems I've ever written, but I was quite pleased with how it turned out, so I wanted to submit it. :)

The events described in the poem actually did happen, but the poem itself is a metaphor; the real time wasn't in my bedroom and I didn't open a window (but I do think it had rained earlier that day). I think of it a bit as one of the first things that started getting me out of my depression period. I can never forget the feelings I had. Heh. My eyes still water a bit when I think about it. :)

I hope you can understand what I'm talking about in this poem. If you don't, I won't mind if you ask. :heart:
© 2006 - 2024 Hitotsuboshi
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kizuna-dono's avatar
"At last, Now I remember... 'It’s about time you asked. Yes, of course, my child.... I love you'"
I understand this completely. last year was a difficult year for me. and like you said, "a window only i can open." sometimes there's no point in having a window if you keep the curtains drawn. you have to let the light in. The Light.
Thanks for this poem. It's really special.
A couple verses in Isaiah that really opened my window: "A voice says, 'Cry out!' And I said, 'What shall I cry?" and "even youths grow tired and weary, young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." :D there's my two cents worth!